Lately, I just find myself staring at Reid, wondering when did my baby get so big? I remember when he couldn't do or say anything. And now he can almost always clearly explain what he wants, and when I check to verify, he accepts that as a "yes", and then I have to disappoint him and tell him no. Thus begins the tantrums. But really, his tantrums are fabulous as far as tantrums go. He'll either drop his head and shoulders and stick out his bottom lip in the most perfected pout you have ever seen, or he'll let out the most pathetic cry and then throw his face on the couch/automan/chair/etc. Give him a minute or two and he's over it. I am grateful that these tantrums aren't bad. But the testing of the limits, OH! I'm so tired of saying no, and saying no to the same thing! But really, can I blame the kid for wanting more fruit snacks/juice/M&Ms/popcorn/etc. No, not really. I just have to be a mom and do what is good for him.
Then there are the truly sweet moments, when he grabs my head and snuggles it up next to his. Or when he wants to play "dark again" (hiding under a blanket), so we can giggle together. He always gives me and his daddy sweet kisses. He jumps for joy when Daddy or Mommy come home when they have been gone. He loves his independence, as long as he knows where we are. And the trust my child shows me is amazing. I was overwhelmed one day at a beach entry pool, when I was trying to show him that the water went deeper, and he just kept walking towards me, even though the water was completely over his head. I love this little boy so much, and I can feel the love that he has for me.
So how could anything be wrong? Well, in church a few weeks ago a friend gave a lesson about how scary it was to have another child coming into her family. And it hit me... that is what I have been feeling! Will I love this 2nd baby enough? Will I still be able to show my 1st baby all the love and attention he needs and deserves? Will I end up abandoning the older child, because the baby needs more? How is my 1st child going to adjust? How am I going to adjust? Will I be able to give everyone what they need? All these fears have hit me like a ton of bricks.
Deep down I know this is the right thing, and I am so excited to meet this little guy inside of me. And I would never want to deprive Reid of the love you can feel for and from a sibling. So I know this is the right thing, but man am I scared for them. Will I be enough of a mom for BOTH of them?
I am grateful for the comforting words of my best friend who told me that I'm normal in all this, and shared some very reassuring thoughts and feelings from her experience of having multiple children. But I still find myself crying every time I read those "baby is coming" books to Reid. I ache for him and the change he is going to have, and the challenges that this little boy will have to soon face. And I just want to help him and make it easy, but alas... I need to let him go through this, as much as I need to learn how to be a mom of 2.
I have tried to make the most of this summer, spending time with Reid, letting him learn and grow and experience all that he can. I have tried to bond with him and show him my love. I have tried to teach him about shapes, colors, and Jesus Christ. I hope that through all of this, he knows that I love him, and come what may, we are a family forever.
Friday, July 29, 2011
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6 comments:
I think I had the same exact post a month or two before I became a mom of 2! So you are totally normal! I think it wouldn't be normal if you didn't worry or feel this way. I'm not going to lie, I still have doubts sometimes if I'm doing my best for both of them. But I will tell you I was amazed at the immense love I felt for Abby immediately and yet I still loved Preston just as much. And I was amazed at how well Preston did (is doing) at adjusting. He definitely acted out for attention but he loves his sister so much! Try not to worry too much, you really are going to be great!!
Yup, you may remember I wrote a post kinda like this a couple months before Sheldon came! So you are totally normal! You are such a good mom and you'll do a great job as a mom of two! Don't worry about loving them both enough. You will. Now the part about meeting everyone's needs? That I can't promise you. At first it is hard since newborns need so much of your time. I'm still trying to find a balance and when I put Allie to bed each night, I get a little sad that I might not have spent enough one-on-one time with her that day. :( But she loves her brother and it will get better and one day they will be super awesome friends. ;)
One thing that Allie loves is when she needs something, I'll tell Sheldon, "Okay, it's Allie's turn! Allie needs mommy to get her some milk (read a book, whatever)." Allie giggles and gets so happy when I say that.
Thanks... it helps to know I'm not alone.
You'll be surprised how well this new little guy fits in to your family. You'll wonder where he's been this whole time! :) You're an awesome mom and Reid will love having a sibling. Just get him involved as much as possible. Have him be a big helper in throwing diapers in the trash etc, little things that will make him bond with his new little brother and feel included and not be jealous. Can't wait for pictures!
We are now adjusting to toddler and a new baby (JD is a week old today). Something we did for Jolee when she first meet JD really helped was to have baby have a gift ready for Jolee at the hospital. So JD gave Jolee a baby doll to say thank-you for being my sister. It gave Jolee the attention and distraction she needed when she first meet him. We also had a homecoming present for Jolee ready for JD to give to Jolee (a puzzle set). It gives her something to do one on one with Mom or Dad to make sure she has Jolee time. Congratulations and good luck with the delivery!
-Sarah
I remember when I was about to have Joseph. I remember telling Jeffery that I didn't think my heart was big enough to love another child. And then even when I had McCoy almost 5years after Boyd, I worried about how much this one child would disrupt our family routines with the older boys. Boy, was I ever wrong. As soon as I would hold my new little guy, it was if he was already part of our family. Brothers love each other from the start, and help each other so so much. You adjust quickly and start new routines and schedules. You'll even amaze yourself! Good luck!
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